Minyak Naik Lagi

urggghhh..

every week harga minyak naik.. to those yang rasa naik sen2 tu tak bermakna, well, certainly not for me.. especially bila you have to travel to and from work approximately 150km a day dengan kadar tol rm11.50 setiap hari.  roughly, per week, i will spend around rm160 for petrol and toll... and that's rm640 a month.. belum campur tolak dengan car loan and maintenance of the car lagi.. pheww...

somehow, at one point, rasa macam dah malas je nak frust.. dengan kenaikan harga minyak, inflation rate, barang keperluan dan kos kehidupan sehari2 semakin tinggi.. and whether you like it or not.. you got to face it. so here i am.. menjalani kehidupan seperti biasa.. mengeluh kadang2 dan sentiasa berdoa keadaan akan berubah menjadi lebih baik.. i really have to watch out my expenses, especially when it comes to things yg kehendak, bukan keperluan.. *sigh*

Mak Sakit

Assalamualaikum.. 

lama dah tak bukak blog ni.. 

sampaikan password pun dah jadi lupa.. 

mihihi.. 

so many things happened to my life lately.. 

of course la banyak, dah berapa tahun pulak dah la kan since my last post.. 

kuang3.. 

paling recent, my mom is diagnosed with acute myleoid leukimia (AML).. seriously, my world collapsed when i heard this.. i was in Malacca when she called me to take her to clinic.. anak soleh i am, from Malacca aku rush balik Seremban to check on her..

she said she had vertigo. aku pun bawak le p klinik and to my surprise.. Dr. Taufik, the handsome doctor my mom always refer to, dia buat muka panic bila tengok my mom's condition.. dia tak tanya aku or my mom samada nak buat further checkup and all.. immediately, dia call pantai hospital seremban.. dia kata dia nak hantar sample.. dan treat the case as URGENT. aku dah berdebar bila action dia serious macam tu (by the way, this doctor is so funny guy and handsome too.. eh berapa kali nak cakap dia handsome daa).. jarang gila dia be serious macam tu.. 

so, she took blood sample from mom.. then, dia minta my mom balik dulu, and just be prepared to be sent to the hospital.. and so, aku interview doctor macam2.. kenapa my mom boleh jadi macam tu, macam ni, walhal dia selalu p check and last she went to clinic (other clinic, bukan klinik Dr. Taufik), doctor tu kata dia takde pape.. siap ambil darah ok.. (sebut hal ni, terus aku nak jadi marah dan nak pegi klinik (xnak mention nama) dan I will maki the doctor... I promise).. the reason why.. my mom p klinik (yg aku xnak sebut nama) to get treatment.. dia dah demam sejak beberapa lama.. on and off, x baik2.. my sister siap minta doctor ni buatkan referral letter to any hospital since my mother tak recover after sooo many visits to clinic.. tapi doctor ni punyalah sombong, dia kata lepas my mom makan antibiotik, she'll be ok.. dia macam tak paham2 yang mak aku ni dah p ulang alik klinik dan makan ubat terlalu banyak tapi tak baik2.. dia rilek je kata takdek pape.. 

so berbalik kepada hal Dr. Taufik yang dah ambik blood sample and sent them to Pantai Hospital.. by the way, masa tu doctor kata my mom anemia.. so she needs to take food yang boleh buat tambah darah seperti kerang dan hati ayam.. and so, my mom soh aku masakkan dia hati ayam goreng + kacang.. aku siap singgah mydin beli barang2 and masak right after we reached home.. the same time, i call my sisters from heaven, told them about mom's condition.. and sepantas kilat memasing rushed home from office.. 

mom's condition masa tu memang masih tak ok... aku belum habih masak masa Dr. Taufik call soh datang ambik result and referral letter to HTJ... dia kata, mom need to be sent to hospital SEGERA.. and sapa punya idea ntah (sebab taknak tunggu lama kat emergency, plus my mom pun memang dah tak berdaya).. so our family decided to call ambulance... and while waiting for the ambulance to come, ktorang adik beradik dah siap discuss sapa take care of apa and all.. macam biasa, aku mmg suka sandang jawatan chef.. so kirenya, aku akan abihkan masak and meet my mom kat hospital with the food i cooked for her..

tapi nak dijadikan cerita masa ambulance sampai.. (sepatutnya nina yang akan follow ibu naik ambulance).. tapi sebab nak mudahkan urusan kemasukan ke ward sebab pakai GL aku.. aku lak yg naik sama ambulance dengan ibu.. tapi i tell u.. aku memang sememeh betul time tu.. yela, aku baru abih masak time tu.. x dan aku nak bersiap.. hiks... so aku pun naik ler ambulance yang bapak laju tu.. dan aku sian nengok mak aku kesakitan dengan ambulance laju langgor je bumpy roads.. mak aku macam dah nak tercampak je dari katil dalam ambulance tuhaaa... adoiyai..

so akhirnya, sampai jugak la ke HTJ... my mom terussss je kena tolak ke zon merah (kritikal).. tergamam gak aku masa dia kena tolak ke situ.. segala macam doa aku kirimkan utk dia, toksah cakaplah.. yela, dia sorang je my biological mother in this world, kan3... so, doctors semua treat dia kat dalam emergency tu.. aku masuk jap and check on her condition.. dia lapar, kesian.. dah la masa naik ambulance tu, dia tak bagi makan n minum.. kebuluran dan keletihan dia kat dalam emergency tu.. and i tell u.. i waited outside of the emergency room tu lama giler.. it's like forever.. 

finally, the doctor called.. dia soh arrange kemasukan my mom ke ward.. so kena p jabatan hasil utk buat e-gl la ape la before she can be transferred to ward.. dan sekali lagi diuji.. e-gl aku xdek nama mak aku... huwaaaaa... lelaju aku call kakngah, nak mintak e-gl dia.. dia punya pun tak berupdate rupanyaaa.. adoiyai... lastly, nasib baiklah ada kad pesara ayah, and she's covered bawah ayah.. aku upgrade kan ke kelas satu (gl aku tak yah upgrade, tapi sebab pakai kad pesara, kena upgrade manual).. aku pun bayo ler deposit rm430.. duit dalam wallet pulak tak kecukupan.. kena pulak p cocok kat atm.. sebaik le dekat sajek.. hiks..

settled je semua, aku pass documents kat doctor hensem yang muka dia macam asyraf muslim.. aku rasa, dia aje la pemandangan yang boleh kata indah kat dalam emergency room tu.. sejuk sikit mata aku dari terpandangkan ke betapa chaos nye laa kat dalam tu, dengan darah, dengan orang sakit, wayar here n there, u name it.. aku yang bapak penakut condition macam tu.. telah menjadi berani kerana adanya doctor kacak begitu.. wakaka.. cett.. walhal sebenarnya, aku telah menjadi gagah dan berani kerana it's your mother yg telah sakit, and you would do anything to assist her, calm her, and make sure, dia sihat dan baik seperti sediakala setelah mendapatkan rawatan.. 

so, that night.. bermulalah episod berumahtangga di hospital kepada kami anak beranak.. my sister from heaven in kelantan pun terus ambik first flight to reach home to get to our mother.. masa ni aku rasa, family bonding kitorang and our love towards mother.. terpancar dari hati masing2... cewah.. tapi malam tu, (by the way, mak aku dapat naik ward kol 12 tengah malam.. dia masuk spital around 7pm).. ktorang balik rumah tdo.. aku rasa, itulah last time aku dapat menikmati tdo di atas katil aku yang lazat (walaupun xleh nak tdo sangat pasal terkenangkan mak kat spital).. sebab hari2 seterusnya.. bermulalah episod tdo tak selesa, restless dan sleepless night kami kat hospital.. huhu...

cerita bersambung later.. 

even stronger than ever...

a woman must have pretended well when she projected a strong character..
a woman who hide all tears and be the pillar of her family..
who took care of him and kids, comforting him, make ways for him..
loan him, lighting his burden,
even sacrificed herself for him..

while him,
the true king of his own kingdom
bought all luxury items solely for him,
a huge motorbike he can ride when he is under pressure..
his thought of as if he's still single
hide her from friends like he's married to an ugly old woman.
never bother about her or kids..
when she got sick or the kids,
he asked her to get treatment on her own.

-------x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-------------

in her life,
never she have asked for beautiful gold and gems..
neither she asked for a big house, luxury cars and items..

all she requested from him..
is only his time..
not only for her
but for the kids too..

but all she got for her favor in return..
being cheated.
being left alone with kids at home.
take charge of the house, which is supposedly his responsibility.
never he was early to be home to spend time with her and kids.
his friends are rather more important.
his work is seriously important than a role of President!
being cursed when she asked him why he didn't sleep at home.
being slapped.
got injured. both physically and mentally.
and last but not least
dumped forever..

she was in despair..
because of her kids,
she took a lot of efforts just to stand again and be there for the kids..
as, the kids are only treasure she has..
the amanah was all on top of her shoulders.
alone..

since that day,
never she wears hatred in her life.
she smiles beautifully and take charge of her life..
for one day she will know..
there will be happier days for her and her beautiful kids..
she trusts only the Almighty
for the justice will come, eventually..
for her, and for her kids..

-------x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-------------

but now that he is getting married..
with the woman she barely knows..
and all he asked..
"do me a favor, i need you to back me up.."
"i told her, you are my bff"
"so that she agreed to marry me"

and all of sudden, he is now being so caring towards her..
all the janji-janji diana he can promise to his ex-wife..
his promise that the kids will get his attentions and all..
that he will provide all the goods and supplies for her and kids..
blablablabla..


-------x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-------------

oh my lil girl!!

missing this little baby of mine..
ilya maisarah riza

i'm (NOT) okay

another day in my life..
i wanna go home early today...
i just wanna get some early sleep..
that's all..

for time being,
please enjoy these pictures i found just now..
this is exactly how i feel....

severe headache

i told my mom that i'm experiencing severe headache
when i have it, i feel like everything in this world is spinning
and there are birds singing in my head..
this is happening all the time, anytime and it worsen when i try to recall things, remembering people and try to reminisce the good old days..
every time i tried to recall things, it usually ends up with blurry images and incomplete episode..
some images were people smiling, looking at me, patting at my back, chitchatting or just a hug i don't know with whom..
at times, i feel tired and i don't want to think about it..
i will just ignore and refuse to greet or smile at people..
just let it be...

Like I'm Gonna Loose You

I heard a song on the radio - "Like I'm Gonna Loose You" by Meghan Trainor and John Legend.  The song is melting and the lyric is just so sweet to my ears..

it says:-

So I'm gonna love you
like i'm gonna lose you
and I'm gonna hold you
like i'm saying goodbye..

that's exactly what i wanna do for now since i have recovered..
to love more of myself and the kids..
gonna make time for me and them..
and to love them all my life..

 at this point, i am still struggling to remember things.. i wish this will pass..